The Missionary Training Center in Lima, Peru with my life-long friends from my district.
I have a really great friend with whom I sometimes have the opportunity to have great religious discussions. There's no "bible-bashing" and no back-handed questions. It's just pure curiosity and desire to understand another's beliefs. I love it.
When I got home from my mission, my friend sent me a message that I have shamefully put off answering for about 6 months now. This is an attempt to answer his question, and it's one that I've reflected on again and again in the past months.
To give some context, an LDS mission for girls lasts 18 months. We are not paid (we actually pay every month in order to be there). We preach the gospel 7 days a week. We never get a day off (mondays are known as preparation day, when we do laundry, grocery shopping etc, and sometimes we get to do some fun things like play soccer or basket ball). We wake up every single day at 6:30am and have a strict schedule throughout the day. If I went on listing the rules, you'd soon be reading a small handbook, which is what we had and read every day to remember the rules of the mission. Long story short: A mission is not a vacation, it's hard work, and I didn't really believe it until I went and did it.
When I got back from my mission, most people would say, "Welcome home! How was your mission?"
. . . What else would you say to someone asking about how you spent the last 18 months of your life? "It was great!"
Which is why I so appreciate my friend's questions.
Which is why I so appreciate my friend's questions.
I spent 18 months of my life in a foreign country learning a new language so I could teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people of Peru. I sometimes got the door slammed in my face. I had people cuss me out and tell me and my companion to leave (sometimes after climbing literally 1 mile of staircases up a mountainside). I was chased by dogs (only bitten twice, and neither time drew blood). The list could go on forever. So many trials. So many hard things that happened. Everything from daily rejection to constantly being sick, whether it was stomach flu or pneumonia, I had something to overcome.
Am I shedding a bad light on missions? I hope not.
Because it was the best thing I've ever done.
Every single day I had the chance to bare my testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ. Every day I was able to change someone in some way. Everyday the Lord touched someone's life through my imperfect spanish. Somehow, through my weaknesses and flaws, the Lord was able to reach some of His children and set them on the path to come home to Him. I helped my brothers and sisters learn that they had a divine purpose. That this life isn't the height of their existence. That this time on earth is a precious gift of preparation for something greater. I helped them know that they had an older brother, a savior, Jesus Christ, who atoned for their sins so that they could be strengthened and cleansed through faith, repentance, baptism by immersion, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end, so that one day they could live in the presence of God and as an eternal family. I saw and felt things that changed my life and changed the lives of those that opened their hearts to the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, in short, you know that warm fuzzy feeling you get from doing something really nice for someone? That's the Spirit, and it was like I was on a spiritual high for 18 months. I felt that warm fuzzy feeling every day.
So, now to get into the questions from my awesome friend:
What did you learn from God?
It's hard to pinpoint just a few things. If I wrote it all, you'd end up reading a novel, not a blog. But there is one main principle that has changed my life.
Doing the Will of the Lord brings us happiness.
We don't get to choose where we serve our missions. It's not any different once you're there. Every six weeks we have transfers, and all according to the revelation that our mission president receives, we are sent to the area (or stay in the area) where the Lord wants us.
Well, after serving in my second area (about halfway through the mission) I was informed that I would be transferring to a new one. That night, before packing, I though how wonderful it would be to train (a new missionary) and be transferred to San Felipe, the area literally 2 blocks away from my old one, where my current companion would be staying, and where we'd be able to see each other, including the people I had taught, very frequently at church meetings. So, for a billion other reasons that are too many to list, It was my dream area. But, elders were already serving there (and it was rare that they would take out two people and bring in two new ones) so I didn't even dare ask for it in a prayer, because I thought it was greedy to ask the Lord for such a thing. I knew it was impossible. There's no way I would be sent to that area. There was no logic to it whatsoever that I would be allowed to go there.
So the transfer meeting came and we all listened excitedly as our mission president announced our new areas. He called out my name, "Sister Hulse will be in San Felipe, and she'll be training!"
I couldn't believe it! It was the exact thing that I had wanted and I hadn't even prayed for it! I was on cloud nine. I got exactly what I wanted, and I couldn't have been happier. In that moment I had never had a stronger feeling of knowing that God knows the desire of our hearts and He cares. He knows what we want and He loves us. He knew what I wanted and He gave it to me!
I seriously was, up to that time in my mission, the happiest I had been my whole mission in that moment. It literally was a dream come true. Out of all the areas I could have been sent to, I was chosen to go there.
So as we sat, enjoying pizza (as was the tradition for those who would be training), we awaited the announcement of who our new missionary companions would be. I sat smiling and laughing and joking with my own former trainer, and a knot at the pit of my stomach formed as I saw the president assistants approaching me. They informed me that the president wanted to meet with me.
Of course my first thought was, "Oh no, what did I do?"
So as we sat, enjoying pizza (as was the tradition for those who would be training), we awaited the announcement of who our new missionary companions would be. I sat smiling and laughing and joking with my own former trainer, and a knot at the pit of my stomach formed as I saw the president assistants approaching me. They informed me that the president wanted to meet with me.
Of course my first thought was, "Oh no, what did I do?"
When I stepped into his office, I had never seen him so distressed. One of my dear friends in the mission was sick and was on the verge of going home. So He asked if I would consider changing my area, and being companions with her in her assigned area, instead of training in San Felipe. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "President . . . You have no idea what you're asking me to give up."
But I said yes.
I never cried myself to sleep, as most new missionaries do, shortly after entering the mission.
Well I cried myself to sleep at night for about 4 days after that.
I left to a different area and was placed in a trio. My friend ended up going home shortly after, but the time that we did have together was incredible. I learned so much from her. The new area I was transferred to was called Tungasuca, and that's where I stayed for the rest of my mission. That's where I taught the gospel to more people than my other two areas combined. That's where I brought the gospel to incredible families. That's where I learned from amazing mission companions and did the most growing. It was my favorite area.
Looking back now, at that moment when President Erickson asked me to go to a different area, I hear and see that memory differently. It's like I can see my Heavenly Father saying to me, "Cassandra, I know what you want. I know you think that what you want will make you happy. But do you trust me? Will you accept what I have in mind for you?"
I'm so glad I did. I've learned the greatest lesson I've ever known, and that's to trust that the Lord will always do what is best for His children. If we are keeping the commandments, He won't lead us astray. It's our duty to seek His will for us. Sometimes we won't agree with what He wants for us. Sometimes we'll pass through trials that seem too hard to bare. But it's all part of the test. It's all in our best interest. It's all for our good. He loves us and wants us to be happy, and as long as we trust in Him and bare our trials with faith and diligence, we'll be happy. Doing the Lord's Will brings us greater happiness than doing our own will.
What did you learn from you?
This is probably the easiest to answer. On the mission I became incredibly aware of my many weaknesses. I also realized that I had a lot more weaknesses than I thought I did before I left on my mission.
I'm not gonna sit and list all of my weaknesses, but just know that I had a lot, just like everyone else on this earth does. So I found great comfort in this scripture:
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
The Lord sure did help me see my weaknesses (and continues to do so). Some might think, "well, I don't need the Lord to tell me. I already have a billion things I know I need to change." Well trust me, I knew I wasn't perfect (and obviously I'm still not), but being on my mission showed me weaknesses I didn't realize were weaknesses. Things I didn't realize that I needed to change.
It's all a part of the refiner's fire. We can become like Christ. God is slowly but surely perfecting us as we come unto Him and do as the scripture says. If we are humble, and have faith in Jesus Christ (faith that bares fruit), then He'll make our weaknesses become strengths.
Do you see Mormonism the same way?
I answer this by asking and answering another question: what is a testimony? I don't really care for the textbook definition, so I'll give my own: A conviction or assurance of a religious truth. At least, that's what I felt like before my mission. I felt that I had a strong conviction and assurance that the LDS church was the only true church. I was sure that knowledge of the gospel would bring happiness. I was sure that God loved all of His children (which is every person who has lived or will live).
All I knew is that my testimony was a pretty strong conviction that the church was true, and people needed to know it. And that was enough to send me to a foreign country to preach for a year and a half.
Serving the Lord for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, changed me. As I gained a deeper understanding of the gospel, and saw miracles happen almost on a day to day basis, my testimony changed from a strong assurance, to deep knowledge that has surpassed any other conviction. I now know without a single doubt in my mind or heart that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church on the earth that has the fullness of the Lord's gospel, with His priesthood power and authority, the same authority that Christ gave to His 12 apostles when He organized His church before the world fell into apostasy. I know that God is unchanging and that just as He has called prophets throughout the history of the earth to guide and direct His children, He calls and ordains prophets and apostles today.
Every single thing that we are taught from the gospel, is now, for me, a solid truth. Knowledge that cannot be shaken by anything or anyone.
So, no. I don't see mormonism the same way. I see it more clearly and with greater understanding than I had ever seen it before my mission. Looking back at how my testimony was before I left on my mission to what it is now, it's hardly comparable. It's grown more than I could have ever imagined (and it'll keep growing).
Does that make me a perfect mormon who keeps all the commandments all the time and who goes around doing perfect mormon things? No. I have struggles, weaknesses and a lot of things I am constantly trying to work on. But that's not what this gospel is about. It's not about being perfect right now. It's about everyone eventually attaining perfection after this life. It's all about the journey to perfection. Getting over the bumps in the road, the fallen trees that sometimes block the path, and many more obstacles and storms that come our way. The path isn't totally perfect, but the path's course is perfect. As long as we stay on that path, as hard as it may be, we will find eternal happiness and joy in the end.
What was the hardest thing you experienced?
I answer this by asking and answering another question: what is a testimony? I don't really care for the textbook definition, so I'll give my own: A conviction or assurance of a religious truth. At least, that's what I felt like before my mission. I felt that I had a strong conviction and assurance that the LDS church was the only true church. I was sure that knowledge of the gospel would bring happiness. I was sure that God loved all of His children (which is every person who has lived or will live).
All I knew is that my testimony was a pretty strong conviction that the church was true, and people needed to know it. And that was enough to send me to a foreign country to preach for a year and a half.
Serving the Lord for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, changed me. As I gained a deeper understanding of the gospel, and saw miracles happen almost on a day to day basis, my testimony changed from a strong assurance, to deep knowledge that has surpassed any other conviction. I now know without a single doubt in my mind or heart that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church on the earth that has the fullness of the Lord's gospel, with His priesthood power and authority, the same authority that Christ gave to His 12 apostles when He organized His church before the world fell into apostasy. I know that God is unchanging and that just as He has called prophets throughout the history of the earth to guide and direct His children, He calls and ordains prophets and apostles today.
Every single thing that we are taught from the gospel, is now, for me, a solid truth. Knowledge that cannot be shaken by anything or anyone.
So, no. I don't see mormonism the same way. I see it more clearly and with greater understanding than I had ever seen it before my mission. Looking back at how my testimony was before I left on my mission to what it is now, it's hardly comparable. It's grown more than I could have ever imagined (and it'll keep growing).
Does that make me a perfect mormon who keeps all the commandments all the time and who goes around doing perfect mormon things? No. I have struggles, weaknesses and a lot of things I am constantly trying to work on. But that's not what this gospel is about. It's not about being perfect right now. It's about everyone eventually attaining perfection after this life. It's all about the journey to perfection. Getting over the bumps in the road, the fallen trees that sometimes block the path, and many more obstacles and storms that come our way. The path isn't totally perfect, but the path's course is perfect. As long as we stay on that path, as hard as it may be, we will find eternal happiness and joy in the end.
What was the hardest thing you experienced?
There is opposition in all things. It is said that on an LDS mission, you experience the greatest highs and the greatest lows of your life, and that is a very true statement. In the letter we receive from the President of the church (our mission call that tells us where we've been called to serve), there is a promised blessing that we will experience greater joy on our mission than we've ever experienced before in our lives.
I had pneumonia for a month on my mission. I had issues with my bank card and sometimes I didn't spend my monthly allotment wisely, so there were days I literally didn't know what I would eat that day. There were times we almost got mugged in the streets. I had to eat really really weird food (guinea pig, chicken blood/foot/heart, cow stomach intestines).
But I survived all of it. I got over my sicknesses eventually. I never hungered for food except for when we fasted. I was never harmed. The Lord protected us and provided all of our needs (yes, even the food).
Of all those things (and much more), the hardest thing I experienced was the rejection. Every single time I had to knock on a door or approach someone on the street, it was like plunging into ice water. It is absolutely nerve racking, especially when I decided to stand up on a bus and bare my testimony in front of 40 passengers. Imagine, taking a deep breath, heart pounding, approaching a total stranger, only wanting to share with them something that has made you happy and you know can make them happy too, but before you can even say the full name of the church, they cut you off with a, "No thank you," "I'm catholic," "I'm busy," or "You're all going to hell." It was the hardest saddest thing to have someone so blatantly reject something that you know will make them happier than they've ever been.
Our goal every week was to contact (as in, talking to random people on the street or knocking on doors) at least 100 people. That's a lot of rejection every week, but also, that was at least how many times I got to bare my testimony of the gospel to someone, and that was a wonderful feeling. Through the struggle, through the dreaded contacting that rejection always seemed to accompany, we found some of the Lord's greatest servants waiting to find the fullness of the gospel. So, rejection was hard, but it was worth the wonderful people we found and taught the gospel to.
Serving a mission was the one of the hardest but also the best thing I've ever done. I could fill books with how much the Lord shaped me and changed me on my mission and how He continues to do so after. I suppose that if I had come home exactly the same as I was before the mission, I would have failed in some way. The same goes for life. We should never stay the same. We should always keep trudging along that imperfect path, avoiding the sandpits, calling for help when we've fallen in to one, relishing the storms and tripping on rocks. As long as we are faithful, diligent and obedient to the commandments, "one day we'll look up [from our path], and find ourselves at the throne of God" (M. Russell Ballard).
Thanks, buddy, for asking such awesome questions. They were, by far, the best ones I've ever been asked.
I had pneumonia for a month on my mission. I had issues with my bank card and sometimes I didn't spend my monthly allotment wisely, so there were days I literally didn't know what I would eat that day. There were times we almost got mugged in the streets. I had to eat really really weird food (guinea pig, chicken blood/foot/heart, cow stomach intestines).
But I survived all of it. I got over my sicknesses eventually. I never hungered for food except for when we fasted. I was never harmed. The Lord protected us and provided all of our needs (yes, even the food).
Of all those things (and much more), the hardest thing I experienced was the rejection. Every single time I had to knock on a door or approach someone on the street, it was like plunging into ice water. It is absolutely nerve racking, especially when I decided to stand up on a bus and bare my testimony in front of 40 passengers. Imagine, taking a deep breath, heart pounding, approaching a total stranger, only wanting to share with them something that has made you happy and you know can make them happy too, but before you can even say the full name of the church, they cut you off with a, "No thank you," "I'm catholic," "I'm busy," or "You're all going to hell." It was the hardest saddest thing to have someone so blatantly reject something that you know will make them happier than they've ever been.
Our goal every week was to contact (as in, talking to random people on the street or knocking on doors) at least 100 people. That's a lot of rejection every week, but also, that was at least how many times I got to bare my testimony of the gospel to someone, and that was a wonderful feeling. Through the struggle, through the dreaded contacting that rejection always seemed to accompany, we found some of the Lord's greatest servants waiting to find the fullness of the gospel. So, rejection was hard, but it was worth the wonderful people we found and taught the gospel to.
Serving a mission was the one of the hardest but also the best thing I've ever done. I could fill books with how much the Lord shaped me and changed me on my mission and how He continues to do so after. I suppose that if I had come home exactly the same as I was before the mission, I would have failed in some way. The same goes for life. We should never stay the same. We should always keep trudging along that imperfect path, avoiding the sandpits, calling for help when we've fallen in to one, relishing the storms and tripping on rocks. As long as we are faithful, diligent and obedient to the commandments, "one day we'll look up [from our path], and find ourselves at the throne of God" (M. Russell Ballard).
Thanks, buddy, for asking such awesome questions. They were, by far, the best ones I've ever been asked.
My last day of the mission, the Barrio Tungasuca threw a surprise going away party for me.