Surviving the dating game and healing my armor

There are times in life when I feel like I am untouchable. In the best sense of the word. Like I'm 10 feet tall and made of steel. And then out of nowhere, a missile comes flying in and knocks me right off my feet. Usually those missiles are simple thoughts that eat away at the back of my mind like, "You're too fat,"  "You have too much acne," "Something is wrong with you,"  "You'll never get a boyfriend yet alone get married," etc.

Usually my armor would hold against such blows, but lately it's been cracking. 

I guess most of this stems from the pressures of dating and marriage in an LDS community (a returned missionary is usually expected to get hitched pretty quickly, at least a year after getting home). After running into someone I haven't seen in a while our conversation usually goes like this, "How are you? I haven't seen you in forever!" Me: "Well I just got back from my mission in december and now I'm studying at school." "That's great! So are you getting married yet?" 

Ok, I'll admit that's a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes it's pretty close to what happens.

But also, it's not like I'm not doing my part. Exhibit A: I attended a wedding reception, and the photographer caught my eye. Come to find out, we have a mutual friend at the wedding. She gives him my number, he gives his for me, and I call and ask him on a date. I. Felt. Awesome. He took me out to lunch, we had a great time, great conversation, we had SOOOO much in common that it was scary, we laughed, we cried (not really) and went home. Best date I'd ever been on. Not even joking. 

So, I text him afterwards, let him know I had a great time, that I hope we could do it again sometime, and threw the ball in his court. 

Never heard from him again. Wouldn't even accept my friend request on facebook. 

And that's when the armor started cracking. That's when I started doubting my self worth. In the scriptures we read about "the fiery darts of the adversary." That phrase hadn't had too much meaning for me until now, when I truly felt that satan was hurling those fiery darts at my soul. It hurt so much, I would find myself overwhelmed with sorrow, like my heart was in pain and my mind filled with doubt and turmoil. 

Turmoil is the perfect word for it: a state of great disturbance, confusion or uncertainty.

Some of you may be thinking: "Wow, why is she getting all worked up over a boy?"

I assure you, I wasn't feeling turmoil over a boy. I was feeling turmoil because of those small but deadly darts that were getting thrown at me. I'm sure all of us have felt those darts at one time or another, and not just with dating but other forms of rejection or struggles that we all face in this life.

So when we are filled with turmoil, we need to start asking ourselves, "What can I change?" 

In the scriptures it says,  ". . .whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction." (1 Nephi 15:24, Book of Mormon)

Faith is the opposite of fear. It is the opposite of turmoil. Fruit of the spirit is faith, love, hope. Hope is a firm belief for promised blessings that are to come. When we hold fast to the word of God, we can find that hope. We can strengthen our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Through reading and studying the Bible, the Book of Mormon and counsels of modern prophets, and receiving my own revelation from my loving Heavenly Father, I know that I am loved. Satan may have cracked my armor, but Christ's atonement is healing it and making it even stronger than before. 

My value is not based on how many times I've been asked on a date or if I've even ever kissed a boy. My value is based on who I am and where I am going. 

I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, as are all of you sons and daughters of God. He knows me and more than anyone else, knows my potential. Through His son, my brother, my redeemer and savior, Jesus Christ, I can do ALL things and receive ALL the happiness and blessings that I've been promised.

So what am I? Beautiful. Awesome. Smart. Talented. And so are all of you in so many different and unique ways. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there who will have to miss out on all of my awesomeness, but one day there will be one lucky man who will actually take the chance to get to know me, and that is the guy THAT is the guy that's worth patiently waiting for.