How My Mission Changed Me

The Missionary Training Center in Lima, Peru with my life-long friends from my district.

I have a really great friend with whom I sometimes have the opportunity to have great religious discussions. There's no "bible-bashing" and no back-handed questions. It's just pure curiosity and desire to understand another's beliefs. I love it.

When I got home from my mission, my friend sent me a message that I have shamefully put off answering for about 6 months now. This is an attempt to answer his question, and it's one that I've reflected on again and again in the past months.

To give some context, an LDS mission for girls lasts 18 months. We are not paid (we actually pay every month in order to be there). We preach the gospel 7 days a week. We never get a day off (mondays are known as preparation day, when we do laundry, grocery shopping etc, and sometimes we get to do some fun things like play soccer or basket ball). We wake up every single day at 6:30am and have a strict schedule throughout the day. If I went on listing the rules, you'd soon be reading a small handbook, which is what we had and read every day to remember the rules of the mission. Long story short: A mission is not a vacation, it's hard work, and I didn't really believe it until I went and did it.

When I got back from my mission, most people would say, "Welcome home! How was your mission?"

. . . What else would you say to someone asking about how you spent the last 18 months of your life? "It was great!"

Which is why I so appreciate my friend's questions. 

I spent 18 months of my life in a foreign country learning a new language so I could teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the people of Peru. I sometimes got the door slammed in my face. I had people cuss me out and tell me and my companion to leave (sometimes after climbing literally 1 mile of staircases up a mountainside). I was chased by dogs (only bitten twice, and neither time drew blood). The list could go on forever. So many trials. So many hard things that happened. Everything from daily rejection to constantly being sick, whether it was stomach flu or pneumonia, I had something to overcome. 

Am I shedding a bad light on missions? I hope not. 

Because it was the best thing I've ever done.

Every single day I had the chance to bare my testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ. Every day I was able to change someone in some way. Everyday the Lord touched someone's life through my imperfect spanish. Somehow, through my weaknesses and flaws, the Lord was able to reach some of His children and set them on the path to come home to Him. I helped my brothers and sisters learn that they had a divine purpose. That this life isn't the height of their existence. That this time on earth is a precious gift of preparation for something greater. I helped them know that they had an older brother, a savior, Jesus Christ, who atoned for their sins so that they could be strengthened and cleansed through faith, repentance, baptism by immersion, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end, so that one day they could live in the presence of God and as an eternal family. I saw and felt things that changed my life and changed the lives of those that opened their hearts to the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, in short, you know that warm fuzzy feeling you get from doing something really nice for someone? That's the Spirit, and it was like I was on a spiritual high for 18 months. I felt that warm fuzzy feeling every day.

So, now to get into the questions from my awesome friend:

What did you learn from God? 

It's hard to pinpoint just a few things. If I wrote it all, you'd end up reading a novel, not a blog. But there is one main principle that has changed my life.

Doing the Will of the Lord brings us happiness. 

We don't get to choose where we serve our missions. It's not any different once you're there. Every six weeks we have transfers, and all according to the revelation that our mission president receives, we are sent to the area (or stay in the area) where the Lord wants us. 

Well, after serving in my second area (about halfway through the mission) I was informed that I would be transferring to a new one. That night, before packing, I though how wonderful it would be to train (a new missionary) and be transferred to San Felipe, the area literally 2 blocks away from my old one, where my current companion would be staying, and where we'd be able to see each other, including the people I had taught, very frequently at church meetings. So, for a billion other reasons that are too many to list, It was my dream area. But, elders were already serving there (and it was rare that they would take out two people and bring in two new ones) so I didn't even dare ask for it in a prayer, because I thought it was greedy to ask the Lord for such a thing. I knew it was impossible. There's no way I would be sent to that area. There was no logic to it whatsoever that I would be allowed to go there. 

So the transfer meeting came and we all listened excitedly as our mission president announced our new areas. He called out my name, "Sister Hulse will be in San Felipe, and she'll be training!"

I couldn't believe it! It was the exact thing that I had wanted and I hadn't even prayed for it! I was on cloud nine. I got exactly what I wanted, and I couldn't have been happier. In that moment I had never had a stronger feeling of knowing that God knows the desire of our hearts and He cares. He knows what we want and He loves us. He knew what I wanted and He gave it to me!

I seriously was, up to that time in my mission, the happiest I had been my whole mission in that moment. It literally was a dream come true. Out of all the areas I could have been sent to, I  was chosen to go there.

So as we sat, enjoying pizza (as was the tradition for those who would be training), we awaited the announcement of who our new missionary companions would be. I sat smiling and laughing and joking with my own former trainer, and a knot at the pit of my stomach formed as I saw the president assistants  approaching me. They informed me that the president wanted to meet with me.

Of course my first thought was, "Oh no, what did I do?"

When I stepped into his office, I had never seen him so distressed. One of my dear friends in the mission was sick and was on the verge of going home. So He asked if I would consider changing my area, and being companions with her in her assigned area, instead of training in San Felipe. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "President . . . You have no idea what you're asking me to give up." 

But I said yes.

I never cried myself to sleep, as most new missionaries do, shortly after entering the mission. 

Well I cried myself to sleep at night for about 4 days after that.

I left to a different area and was placed in a trio. My friend ended up going home shortly after, but the time that we did have together was incredible. I learned so much from her. The new area I was transferred to was called Tungasuca, and that's where I stayed for the rest of my mission. That's where I taught the gospel to more people than my other two areas combined. That's where I brought the gospel to incredible families. That's where I learned from amazing mission companions and did the most growing. It was my favorite area. 

Looking back now, at that moment when President Erickson asked me to go to a different area, I hear and see that memory differently. It's like I can see my Heavenly Father saying to me, "Cassandra, I know what you want. I know you think that what you want will make you happy. But do you trust me? Will you accept what I have in mind for you?"

I'm so glad I did. I've learned the greatest lesson I've ever known, and that's to trust that the Lord will always do what is best for His children. If we are keeping the commandments, He won't lead us astray. It's our duty to seek His will for us. Sometimes we won't agree with what He wants for us. Sometimes we'll pass through trials that seem too hard to bare. But it's all part of the test. It's all in our best interest. It's all for our good. He loves us and wants us to be happy, and as long as we trust in Him and bare our trials with faith and diligence, we'll be happy. Doing the Lord's Will brings us greater happiness than doing our own will. 

What did you learn from you? 

This is probably the easiest to answer. On the mission I became incredibly aware of my many weaknesses. I also realized that I had a lot more weaknesses than I thought I did before I left on my mission. 

I'm not gonna sit and list all of my weaknesses, but just know that I had a lot, just like everyone else on this earth does. So I found great comfort in this scripture:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

The Lord sure did help me see my weaknesses (and continues to do so). Some might think, "well, I don't need the Lord to tell me. I already have a billion things I know I need to change." Well trust me, I knew I wasn't perfect (and obviously I'm still not), but being on my mission showed me weaknesses I didn't realize were weaknesses. Things I didn't realize that I needed to change. 

It's all a part of the refiner's fire. We can become like Christ. God is slowly but surely perfecting us as we come unto Him and do as the scripture says. If we are humble, and have faith in Jesus Christ (faith that bares fruit), then He'll make our weaknesses become strengths. 

Do you see Mormonism the same way?

I answer this by asking and answering another question: what is a testimony? I don't really care for the textbook definition, so I'll give my own: A conviction or assurance of a religious truth. At least, that's what I felt like before my mission. I felt that I had a strong conviction and assurance that the LDS church was the only true church. I was sure that knowledge of the gospel  would bring happiness. I was sure that God loved all of His children (which is every person who has lived or will live).

All I knew is that my testimony was a pretty strong conviction that the church was true, and people needed to know it. And that was enough to send me to a foreign country to preach for a year and a half.

Serving the Lord for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, changed me. As I gained a deeper understanding of the gospel, and saw miracles happen almost on a day to day basis, my testimony changed from a strong assurance, to deep knowledge that has surpassed any other conviction. I now know without a single doubt in my mind or heart that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church on the earth that has the fullness of the Lord's gospel, with His priesthood power and authority, the same authority that Christ gave to His 12 apostles when He organized His church before the world fell into apostasy. I know that God is unchanging and that just as He has called prophets throughout the history of the earth to guide and direct His children, He calls and ordains prophets and apostles today.

Every single thing that we are taught from the gospel, is now, for me, a solid truth. Knowledge that cannot be shaken by anything or anyone.

So, no. I don't see mormonism the same way. I see it more clearly and with greater understanding than I had ever seen it before my mission. Looking back at how my testimony was before I left on my mission to what it is now, it's hardly comparable. It's grown more than I could have ever imagined (and it'll keep growing).

Does that make me a perfect mormon who keeps all the commandments all the time and who goes around doing perfect mormon things? No. I have struggles, weaknesses and a lot of things I am constantly trying to work on. But that's not what this gospel is about. It's not about being perfect right now. It's about everyone eventually attaining perfection after this life. It's all about the journey to perfection. Getting over the bumps in the road, the fallen trees that sometimes block the path, and many more obstacles and storms that come our way. The path isn't totally perfect, but the path's course is perfect. As long as we stay on that path, as hard as it may be, we will find eternal happiness and joy in the end.

What was the hardest thing you experienced?

There is opposition in all things. It is said that on an LDS mission, you experience the greatest highs and the greatest lows of your life, and that is a very true statement. In the letter we receive from the President of the church (our mission call that tells us where we've been called to serve), there is a promised blessing that we will experience greater joy on our mission than we've ever experienced before in our lives.

I had pneumonia for a month on my mission. I had issues with my bank card and sometimes I didn't spend my monthly allotment wisely, so there were days I literally didn't know what I would eat that day. There were times we almost got mugged in the streets. I had to eat really really weird food (guinea pig, chicken blood/foot/heart, cow stomach intestines).

But I survived all of it. I got over my sicknesses eventually. I never hungered for food except for when we fasted. I was never harmed. The Lord protected us and provided all of our needs (yes, even the food).

Of all those things (and much more), the hardest thing I experienced was the rejection. Every single time I had to knock on a door or approach someone on the street, it was like plunging into ice water. It is absolutely nerve racking, especially when I decided to stand up on a bus and bare my testimony in front of 40 passengers. Imagine, taking a deep breath, heart pounding, approaching a total stranger, only wanting to share with them something that has made you happy and you know can make them happy too, but before you can even say the full name of the church, they cut you off with a, "No thank you," "I'm catholic," "I'm busy," or "You're all going to hell." It was the hardest saddest thing to have someone so blatantly reject something that you know will make them happier than they've ever been.

Our goal every week was to contact (as in, talking to random people on the street or knocking on doors) at least 100 people. That's a lot of rejection every week, but also, that was at least how many times I got to bare my testimony of the gospel to someone, and that was a wonderful feeling. Through the struggle, through the dreaded contacting that rejection always seemed to accompany, we found some of the Lord's greatest servants waiting to find the fullness of the gospel. So, rejection was hard, but it was worth the wonderful people we found and taught the gospel to.

Serving a mission was the one of the hardest but also the best thing I've ever done. I could fill books with how much the Lord shaped me and changed me on my mission and how He continues to do so after. I suppose that if I had come home exactly the same as I was before the mission, I would have failed in some way. The same goes for life. We should never stay the same. We should always keep trudging along that imperfect path, avoiding the sandpits, calling for help when we've fallen in to one, relishing the storms and tripping on rocks. As long as we are faithful, diligent and obedient to the commandments, "one day we'll look up [from our path], and find ourselves at the throne of God" (M. Russell Ballard).

Thanks, buddy, for asking such awesome questions. They were, by far, the best ones I've ever been asked.

My last day of the mission, the Barrio Tungasuca threw a surprise going away party for me. 

Surviving the dating game and healing my armor

There are times in life when I feel like I am untouchable. In the best sense of the word. Like I'm 10 feet tall and made of steel. And then out of nowhere, a missile comes flying in and knocks me right off my feet. Usually those missiles are simple thoughts that eat away at the back of my mind like, "You're too fat,"  "You have too much acne," "Something is wrong with you,"  "You'll never get a boyfriend yet alone get married," etc.

Usually my armor would hold against such blows, but lately it's been cracking. 

I guess most of this stems from the pressures of dating and marriage in an LDS community (a returned missionary is usually expected to get hitched pretty quickly, at least a year after getting home). After running into someone I haven't seen in a while our conversation usually goes like this, "How are you? I haven't seen you in forever!" Me: "Well I just got back from my mission in december and now I'm studying at school." "That's great! So are you getting married yet?" 

Ok, I'll admit that's a bit of an exaggeration, but sometimes it's pretty close to what happens.

But also, it's not like I'm not doing my part. Exhibit A: I attended a wedding reception, and the photographer caught my eye. Come to find out, we have a mutual friend at the wedding. She gives him my number, he gives his for me, and I call and ask him on a date. I. Felt. Awesome. He took me out to lunch, we had a great time, great conversation, we had SOOOO much in common that it was scary, we laughed, we cried (not really) and went home. Best date I'd ever been on. Not even joking. 

So, I text him afterwards, let him know I had a great time, that I hope we could do it again sometime, and threw the ball in his court. 

Never heard from him again. Wouldn't even accept my friend request on facebook. 

And that's when the armor started cracking. That's when I started doubting my self worth. In the scriptures we read about "the fiery darts of the adversary." That phrase hadn't had too much meaning for me until now, when I truly felt that satan was hurling those fiery darts at my soul. It hurt so much, I would find myself overwhelmed with sorrow, like my heart was in pain and my mind filled with doubt and turmoil. 

Turmoil is the perfect word for it: a state of great disturbance, confusion or uncertainty.

Some of you may be thinking: "Wow, why is she getting all worked up over a boy?"

I assure you, I wasn't feeling turmoil over a boy. I was feeling turmoil because of those small but deadly darts that were getting thrown at me. I'm sure all of us have felt those darts at one time or another, and not just with dating but other forms of rejection or struggles that we all face in this life.

So when we are filled with turmoil, we need to start asking ourselves, "What can I change?" 

In the scriptures it says,  ". . .whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction." (1 Nephi 15:24, Book of Mormon)

Faith is the opposite of fear. It is the opposite of turmoil. Fruit of the spirit is faith, love, hope. Hope is a firm belief for promised blessings that are to come. When we hold fast to the word of God, we can find that hope. We can strengthen our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Through reading and studying the Bible, the Book of Mormon and counsels of modern prophets, and receiving my own revelation from my loving Heavenly Father, I know that I am loved. Satan may have cracked my armor, but Christ's atonement is healing it and making it even stronger than before. 

My value is not based on how many times I've been asked on a date or if I've even ever kissed a boy. My value is based on who I am and where I am going. 

I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father, as are all of you sons and daughters of God. He knows me and more than anyone else, knows my potential. Through His son, my brother, my redeemer and savior, Jesus Christ, I can do ALL things and receive ALL the happiness and blessings that I've been promised.

So what am I? Beautiful. Awesome. Smart. Talented. And so are all of you in so many different and unique ways. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys out there who will have to miss out on all of my awesomeness, but one day there will be one lucky man who will actually take the chance to get to know me, and that is the guy THAT is the guy that's worth patiently waiting for. 

The story continues . .

I've decided to continue my blog as an RM. In later posts you can read all about my mission, but these new posts will be all about the struggles of getting back into daily life and pretty much taking on the hardships that life throws at us. This blog is my attempt to share with those I love the lessons I've learned through experiences in life, and how to strengthen our testimonies and character.

Please let me know if you have any comments and if you have any questions about my beliefs or if you need advice on something, please feel free to message me or leave a comment. We're all here on this earth to help each other.

12/15/14 - Coming Home!

This was the last email that I wrote home from Peru. My best friend, who was in charge of my blog, in the midst of planning her wedding (two weeks from said date), finals week and white glove clean checks, and a million other things, forgot to post it. I forgive her, haha. 

Hey everyone!

This week has been amazing. Hard, busy, but super awesome. I had a lot of time taken away from me this week between dentists appointments for my companion, a training of how to not go inactive and how to be self sufficient after the mission, and other emergencies with the sisters in the other zones that we had to take care of, but I just tried preaching the gospel every chance that I had. 

It still hasn´t quite hit me yet that I´m leaving. It hit me a little bit when me and my companion woke up this morning, and kneeling, had our last companionship prayer. It´s definitely hard having something so incredible come to an end. 

A year ago, when I had only been here for 6 months, I was feeling pretty homesick, and I remember praying and asking God to help me realize how fast my time was going to go by. That night I had a dream that I was in the airport with my mission president, and He said, ¨Well, Sis. Hulse, thanks for your service. It´s time to go home.¨ And I started crying and saying, ¨No, president Erickson, you´re wrong. I still have a year left of my mission!¨And he said, ¨No, a year has gone by already. You need to go home now.¨ 

And I felt and knew in that very moment that that is how fast my mission would go by . . . like a dream. And it´s so true. I feel like I´m going to be waking up in my house in 2 days, and It´s going to be like waking up from a very long, hard, wonderful dream. 

This has been the best time of my life. It certainly has not been easy, but it has been so wonderful and I wouldn´t trade anything in the world for this experience, and I would give almost anything to keep serving.

I know that the mission doesn´t end when we get home. Even though I won´t be wearing a mission tag doesn´t mean I´m not going to be a missionary. I will be serving the Lord every day for the rest of my life. If there´s one thing I hope to do, it´s to wear away my life in the service of the Lord. 

Well, I was excited to come home a little skinnier, but the Peruvian people love me too much, and they´ve fattened me up again these past couple months, haha. But it´s ok, it´s love fat, haha. I guess that´s one of the greatest things I´ve learned on the mission. It´s all about the change that takes place INSIDE, and what we DO with that change. How we´re going to put to use the talents and skills the Lord has blessed us with or helped us cultivate. 

I love you all so much and I hope that I can see you all and talk to you soon.

Hermana Hulse

12/8/14

Hey everyone!

This week was super awesome because I went and visited all of my old areas!! On monday I went and visited the Ferro Family and it was super great.  it was super great to see them and see some of the families that I taught last year. This week TWO families are getting sealed in the temple, and the President gave me permission to go! So I´m super excited about that!

Sunday I went and visited Santa Fe, my first area, and I visited the Uceda family (that was married and baptized a year ago) and just this last week they went and were sealed in the temple as well. It was so great to see them! They are doing so well and they have changed so much and progressed so much in the gospel. It was wonderful seeing the people that I taught a year ago and how much they´ve grown even closer to the Lord. 

It´s been hard saying goodbye and thinking that I´m down to my last week in the mission field, but I´m trying so hard to stay focussed and use every minute the Lord has given me. The last week in the mission field is just as important as the first or the 30th or the 50th. 

Talk to you all, for the last time in the mission, next monday. 

12/1/14

Hey everyone!

This week has been super awesome! Fiorella, a girl that we´ve been teaching for almost three months, was finally prepared for baptism! On saturday we had her baptism, and she was SO happy! It was great to see the change that always happens when people make that first covenant with God. 

Not much else has happened this week. I´m just trying to stay focussed and not get stressed about the fact that my life will be drastically changing in two weeks. Today, I´ll be going to visit some families in Bello Horizonte, in my old area, for the last time. I´m excited to see them, but I´m not too excited to say good bye. 

It sure is amazing how fast time goes by. I´m really just trying to stay focussed and be better about using every minute that the Lord has given me to preach His gospel.  One thing that I´ve tried to remember during my whole mission, is, just as Christ came to serve, and not be served, I came to serve God´s children. After the mission, even though I won´t be an official representative of Jesus Christ, I made the covenant at baptism that I would serve His children and be a witness of Him at all times and in all things and in all places. I´m excited to see what opportunities the Lord will give me to be able to serve His children. As members of His chuch, that is a great responsibility that we have. I´ve never had a stronger testimony of visiting and home teaching, and having church callings. I hope we can always seek to magnify our callings and look for other ways to always serve the people in our lives. 

Don´t get stressed and remember the true meaning of Christmas! I hope you can all take time to watch this three minute video about the first gift of Christmas!www.christmas.mormon.org 

Love you all!

Hna. Hulse

11/24/14

Hey everyone!

Not much has happened this week. I´m trying to work hard and not think too much about going home. I gotta stay focused! 

This week we had my last multi-zone conference and so I had to share my testimony with the president and all the missionaries. I´m trying to act as if this is like any other transfer and I just gotta keep working hard and focussing on the work of the Lord, but it´s kind of hard when I have experiences like that or my zone asks me how many days I´ve got left and my companion says 22! haha, I think they´re all more Trunky than I am (trunky is a mission term for a missionary that´s thinking about home a lot).

Anyway, This week not much has happened. In the zone conference I learned a lot of stuff that I wish I would have learned at the start of my mission instead of the end of my mission, but I guess that´s how life is, right? It´s better late than never. 

There´s a kid in our ward who was getting ready to leave on his mission in december, but he found out that they accepted his visa to go work in the States, and now, instead of going on a mission, he´s gonna go live in the States. There´s also another kid in our ward who is a pretty good pianist, and isn´t serving a mission because he´s afraid that he´ll loose his talent. 

I just can´t even express to them or anyone how incredibly mistaken they are to think that God would take away blessings for dedicating and sacrificing two years or 1 and a half years of serivce. I am so excited to see the doors that will open and the talents that will increase when I get home. I know that when we make any sacrifice, God gives back 100 fold. We can´t trust in the blessings of the world, that are few and short-term. God´s blessings are eternal, His guidance is perfect and sure. The way that He guides us are through keeping His commandments. If we keep His commandments, we will have the spirit with us and we will be able to make the choices and sacrifices necessary to have greater success and happiness in this life and in the life to come. 

It´s not a commandment for girls to serve a mission, but that in itself is a greater way to receive greater blessings! For young men, it is a commandment to fulfill the covenants and priesthood duties that they have. Whether you struggle with paying your tithing, loving your enemy, or knowing whether or not you should serve a mission, look to God, and seek to keep His commandments, and He will strengthen you and bless you with success in all things. 

I love you all so much and I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving! I just remembered it´s around that time, haha. I´m grateful to be serving a mission. I´m grateful for my wonderful friends and family. I´m grateful for the knowledge that I have of the gospel, and to know that we are all God´s children, eternal, dual beings of a perfect and glorified Heavenly Father. 

Love you all! Work hard and have fun!

Hna. Hulse